Emotional Rollercoaster

It’s a really warm and quiet morning here along the mighty Zambezi River where I sit writing this. The river flows with twists and turns and churning currents much like my emotions over the last few days. I feel like I am on an emotional rollercoaster, up, down, left and right.

Monday afternoon (14 March) at 4:30pm we rejoiced at finally getting the papers for the vehicle. This signals that we eventually succeeded in getting free from the tentacles of Lusaka that were holding us in limbo. We excitedly rushed back to Arthur and Kim’s home. Immediately we hurriedly packed up our lives that had unravelled during our very delayed stay in Lusaka. We wasted no time and prepared for a very early departure at 4 am Tuesday morning. Lest we fall again into the clutches of this exciting comfortable city.

The Emotional Rollercoaster Begins

It was time to move on. Our time there had not just unravelled our carefully packed cargo, but it was also starting to undo all the emotional, spiritual and mental preparation that we made for our lives in Chavuma.

You see, in order to live in the bush, away from your creature comforts you need to process things. First, you need to prepare yourself and your heart. You need to lay down your SELF and ask God to do a work in your heart. Then you need to gear up with the armour of God so that you can stand against the attacks of the devil.

I think I was ready when we left Cape Town. But then we got stuck in Lusaka for 6 weeks with all the creature comforts around us. We got comfortable at the Ledgerwood’s home. There was no time to prepare for the emotional rollercoaster. It all happened so fast. The contrast between the comfort of the Ledgerwood home and the poverty and deficiency of Chavuma is stark!

We arrived here in Chavuma on Wednesday evening (16 March). We wasted no time in unpacking the vehicle and setting up our home. After settling in, I realised a few things which shook my emotional stability.

The Emotional Rollercoaster Intensifies

I realised that I forgot some things at which I desperately need here in Chavuma. I left all my carefully packed Durban curry powder and our salt and pepper grinder in Cape Town. I forgot some things in Lusaka too. I forgot the feta cheese in the Ledgerwoods’ fridge. Tragically, I also forgot the gifts of jam and chilli sauce in the fridge! These were gifts I received from new friends we made in Lusaka. In the rollercoaster of our departure from Lusaka I also forgot to buy vegetables! It’s a simple thing but it makes a big difference to me. Things we take for granted in Cape Town like carrots, cauliflower, broccoli, butternut, or cucumber – we can’t find them here in Chavuma unless we grow it ourselves. How long would it be before I get to taste that again now?

As we were driving the long 2-day journey, it struck me how very far out and remote we were in Chavuma. I also realised that my friends were very far away and that it would be very hard for them to come visit. Many of our friends have said they want to visit but the reality is that many will struggle to get here. Time and money will prohibit many who want to visit. I realised that this was for a very long time and that Cape Town and even Lusaka was very far away.

Emotions Entrusted to God

All these realisations overwhelmed me and I broke down. I didn’t want anyone to see my tears because I was ashamed of them. I was ashamed of my weakness. I want to be strong and able to serve God here in Chavuma but I am not. How can I be a missionary here and make a difference when I can’t even hold it together? I turned to God and prayed. I sent messages to my friends and asked them to stand with me in prayer. I felt lifted in my heart. Not because of my own strength but because of God and because of people like you who are standing with us in prayer and holding us up to God.

Thank you for your love and prayers.

Renée Watson

10 thoughts on “Emotional Rollercoaster”

  1. My heart goes out to you. I can only imagine your reality. It is good that you document all these emotions. Our Father will not forsake you. You will grow to love Chavuma and become entrenched there and you will look back on these emotions knowing that God is holding you both gently in His loving arms. We pray for you at Connect and we miss you very much. Your environment sounds stunningly beautiful. Take care and lots of love.

  2. Dear Renée
    Thank you for your openness & honesty. We regularly pray for you & now we know even more how to!
    Love & miss you both.

  3. Liewe Suster in die Here,
    Paulus in II Kor.12:10 “Ek het behae in swakhede, in mishandelinge, in node, in vervolginge, in benoudhede, om Christus wil. Want as ek swak is, dan is ek sterk.”
    II Kor.7:4 “…ek loop oor van blydskap in al ons verdrukking.”
    Ps 37:5 “Laat jou weg an die Here oor, vertrou op Hom, en Hy sal dit uitvoer.”
    Bekende verwysings en tog altyd nuut en inspirerend!
    -> Ook Fil.4 die hele hfst.
    Dit alles, sodat ons ons Vader beter kan leer ken en ons in Hom enSy leiding kan verbly!
    “En ek reken dat die lyding vd teenwoordige tyd weeg nie op teen die heerlikheid wat aan ons geopenbaar sal word nie!” (Rom.8:18).

    Vader se teenwoordigheid en leiding vergesel julle elke dag.!

    “Ons verleentheid is altyd God se geleentheid.”

    En die vrede van God, wat alle verstand te bowe gaan,
    sal julle harte en sinne bewaar in Christus Jesus.”(Fil.4:7).
    Pieter Fourie.

  4. Dear Renee,
    I’m asking our beautiful Lord to give you strength as you find your feet there, knowing that you will do the good work that He has planned for you, in His time.
    Love in Jesus

  5. Hi, My wife Tarryn and I have this evening found your channel and have been inspired by your faith and work for our Lord. I looked for the latest update on how you were doing and what was happening in your area but the latest I found was a couple of months old. How are you doing?

    Blessings and warm greetings from Canada.

    Tarryn & Brian Holder.

    1. Dear Brian and Tarryn, thank you so much for your message. We are doing ok by God’s Grace. We had some significant challenges which were of a sensitive nature and hence the “silence” on our updates. We have been struggling to find the right way to update on what’s been happening but we trust that we will shortly be able to post another update on our progress. Please subscribe to our email newsletter on our website (www.watsonsmissions.com) and you will get more detailed monthly updates. We cherish your prayers as we seek to lift God’s Name higher and grow his kingdom.

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